I used to tell them not to cum inside me but that strategy didn’t work for me. He told us; “I’ve been fooling around with this guy for a couple of months. She would prefer to receive only, and she’ll probably be upset if you expect her to return the favor. No assumptions should be made about the sexuality, HIV status or views of individuals or organisations featured on this website. The actual role of the top or bottom is determined personally by each partner. I thought it wouln’t happen to me because of my age. Wavey ponders in the 10 minute-long video. The hepatitis C virus is present primarily in blood (including dried blood) and can also be present in cum. Condoms can prevent most of the infections that you can get from fucking, although it’s worth remembering that some STIs can be transmitted even if you use condoms. Penises can be problematic. So here at FS we decided to talk to some bottom boys and ask them how they deal with taking it up the arse. I can’t tell you who infected me or when, but it’s someting I’m not proud of. I like the person, not the sexual position they prefer. In previous relationships I was – mainly – the top. I thought telling gay men I’m HIV-positive at speed dating would be easy. Simon is 19 and from London. How do you want to connect physically/sexually with this person? (NSFW) Hard times - the ups and downs of the penis, HONcode standard for trustworthy health information. Cum outside: If you are someone who doesn’t use condoms, not on PrEP and you’re a bottom then it will decrease the risk if he doesn’t cum inside you. In our ‘Big gay sex survey’ out of the 3,141 gay men who took part over half described themselves as versatile and a further 22% were ‘bottom only’. He told us: “I’m both active and passive but more on the passive side. He doesn’t describe himself as a total bottom, but does like it from time to time. However, if you erect a wall or set boundaries, they will look for easier targets. For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/hiv-undetectable. This time it worked. a sub is not a doormat. Condoms: Using condoms while having sex is still one of the best ways to avoid picking up any STIs,  becoming HIV-positive or passing on HIV. For more information on sex, sexual health and STIs, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex. immense pleasure but also able to cause devastating emotional wounds. This is also true for other STIs, including hepatitis C. While condoms offer protection against HIV and most STIs, they cannot prevent them all. It’s called undetectable. I’ve never had bareback sex with someone I didn’t know. It cannot be its precondition.” Alain de Botton’s essay “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person” was, amazingly, the most-read article in The New York Times in the news-drenched year of 2016. Making the decision to come out as a gay man living with HIV wasn’t easy for me. This is so that if I do end up with a few cuts after sex they don’t last long.”, Eric is 35 and from Manchester. If pain occurs, you can stop, call it a day, and try again another time. “I make sure to carry thinner condoms on me at all times. This time I knew what to expect. Anything we want it to be, honestly. A … “Douching is the most important part of anal sex. Charity Number: 1076854 | Company limited by guarantee: 2702133© 2019 HERO - Health Equality and Rights Organisation. Being a Dom can seem very appealing. However after years of having anal sex I have turned the pain into pleasure. I could feel him entering me. Make sure you use plenty of water-based lube too. It has to do with the types of men you prefer in a relationship. I told him to stop. Generic versions can be bought online. As part of our ‘Big Gay Sex Survey’ we decided to ask the 3,141 men who took part if they were happy with their sex lives, and what was important to them. No assumptions should be made about the sexuality, HIV status or views of individuals or organisations featured on this website.The information provided on gmfa.org.uk is designed to support, not to replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and their physician. This is because the lining of the arse can absorb liquids directly into your bloodstream. Getting fucked without him cumming inside you is lower risk but, as there is HIV in pre-cum too, there is still a risk of HIV transmission. It can be passed on by rimming, sucking cock, fucking or getting fucked without a condom. HIV is considered the ‘big one’ because it’s incurable. It took about two minutes for him to get fully inside me but after a while the feeling went from uncomfortable to wonderful. Lesbian sex is about intimacy and pleasure, which is what any kind of sex really should be about. HIV-positive men with an undetectable viral load cannot pass on the virus. In non-BDSM, specifically gay porn, the case that could be made for the sub (or bottom), having more control in the relationship seems, if anything, even … I treat them like an equal. If you’re involved romantically with someone who is battling through … “It took a couple of weeks but we tried again. For instance. Less often, they can be caught from infested bedding, clothes and towels. Not at every single moment, but on a regular weekly basis. Bottoming doesn’t work like that.”, Matt is 31 and from Brighton. There’s a new HIV status in town. Hepatitis A is found in shit and is acquired by getting shit in your mouth. If you are infected with an STI in your arse, it will increase the chances of you being infected with HIV if you are HIV-negative. He told us his first time bottoming was really painful, but after a while the pain turned to pleasure. Bottom may also describe a wider social context of submission within a romantic or sexual relationship, though this element does not apply to all people who prefer to bottom. How you access PrEP in the UK depends on where you live, it’s available on the NHS in Scotland, and trials are being run in England and Wales. How risky are fucking and getting fucked with condoms? I bought a douching kit online and it’s easy. This involves making sure my poop is not hard. It’s not that difficult to do. Stay away from Vaseline and baby oil – they will make the condom rip. Thinner condoms are great.”, So what if you want to become a bottom. That’s life. He told us the best thing to do being a bottom is to douche. So far I’ve remained HIV-negative but if I do become positive it’ll be something I have to deal with.”, Eric told us that as a bottom it really doesn’t matter if he’s wearing a condom. The pair gets into the nitty, gritty realities of what bottoming entails, covering everything from douching to shaving your anus to using sex toys to anal health to the link between stereotypes and perceptions of bottoms and internalized homophobia. Your donation will help HERO to support gay and bisexual men through GMFA and FS magazine to create personal and social change in our community. And even for those who've spent some time in the saddle, there's still a lot to know, a lot to remember and a lot of misleading information out there. Being on top of the penis really allows for you to determine your level of comfort. But since … 1) Someone who prefers to take a more submissive role in sexual situations. 2) A homosexual male who either a) enjoys receiving anal penetration or b) is activeluy involved in being anally penetrated. The information provided on gmfa.org.uk is designed to support, not to replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and their physician. I think it’s a lot of trust to place in someone’s hands.”, Alfie told us that he became HIV-positive at the age of 20 through unprotected anal sex. The PrEP Impact trial in England has now begun (12/10/2017). In an attempt to avoid conforming to social norms, I would argue that the concept of being a top or a bottom is barbaric, that it is simply society telling us that even in the queer world, there needs to be a “man” in the relationship. He had topped some guys before so I felt he knew what he was doing. PrEP only protects you against HIV, you will need to take other precautions to reduce your risk of contracting other sexually transmitted infections  such as gonorrhoea, chlamydia, syphilis and hepatitis C. How you access PrEP in the UK depends on where you live, it’s available on the NHS in Scotland, and trials are being run in England and Wales. It makes sure that I’m clean down there.”, Jamie, 23 and also from London, says: “I’ve swapped toilet roll for wet wipes. The brand marketed drug is available through private prescriptions, but it is also legal to buy generic versions for personal use. Here's Everything You Wanted To Know About Being A Bottom (NSFW), Sign up for membership to become a founding member and help shape HuffPost's next chapter. I have been with my current partner for two years and in this relationship I have only been the bottom, as my partner has a fear of it. Then push out the water. The trial is recruiting up to 13,000 people. The recent PARTNER study reported no HIV transmissions from an HIV-undetectable person to their HIV-negative partner. The more you do it the better it gets.”. This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information > Verify here. I went over, we started to fool around a bit and he asked if he could top me. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. I need lots of foreplay – this could be rimming, massaging, oral, nipple play, etc. What feels good? By using wet wipes after I poop I make sure I’m clean in that area.”. But I do remember a time it was painful. Unfortunately, there are a lot of fake Doms out there. If this topic resonated with you might want to check out the classic book on codependency: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. In this latest video from YouTube celebrity Davey Wavey, the gay Internet icon teams up with fellow vlogger Colby Melvin to create the ultimate "Gay Bottom Bible." Hepatitis A. Gonorrhoea, or ‘the clap’, is a bacterial infection of the urethra (the tube you piss out of), arse, throat or eyes. It was painful. This is because there could be traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood on his cock. “I was young and foolish. In 2016, over 2,810 gay men were diagnosed HIV-positive in the UK. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. If you are having sex with new partners then you should test more frequently. Traditionally injecting drug use was the most common way to catch hepatitis C but it is now known that unprotected sex, particularly high risk sex and group sex, is associated with hep C infection. Test for HIV too when you’re there. Simon told us: “So far I’ve never bottomed without condoms. I only have bareback sex while in a relationship with someone who is the same status as me. Ms. Krista Tippett, host: “Compatibility is an achievement of love. PEP is a month-long course of HIV medication that can stop you becoming HIV-positive if started within 72 hours after sex (the sooner you start taking it the better). 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